The fucking beginning

It's time for a change. I simply must. I have skimmed through a book about making any change a habit in 21 days a couple times in the past four years and the idea has kept itself fresh in my mind ever since the first time I read about it. I have had some sort of excuse as to why I need to not be too hard on myself, and not expect too much from myself for the last few years, and I have wasted valuable time in believing that. I can't do that anymore. The idea of what I am about to embark on, is putting a disgusted look on my face as I write this. I am so comfortable not doing a damn thing. I spend my days off in bed. I spend my work days in bed until I have to go in, and climb right back into bed as soon as I am off. I have no desire to be in a relationship, I have no desire to really accomplish anything, at least on a daily basis. I do day dream of a different life, one with purpose and adventure. But, that dream consists of winning the lottery. I dream of being a writer, but I don't write everyday, or often enough at all. I dream of helping people and being a therapist, but I do nothing to work at going back to school. I used to be so driven, so busy, and so irritated. I am rarely unhappy, I never cry or get upset, I am a very content person. But, I want more, and the only way I know how to get more is to make myself do something.
So, as much as I don't want to, and as hard as it is going to be, I am going to start on a journey towards success 21 days at a time. I have a list that consists of years of 21 day challenges, literally I could have kept going for hours. I thought it would be easier if I started off slow, with only one thing to do everyday for 21 days. But, I have already failed at that miserably. So... I am going to have to return to the strenuous routine I once used to change my life years and years ago. I should preface this with the fact that since I used that routine to change my life, I have not had any kind of routine that wasn't preset for me to follow since. I fucking hate routine. I don't even have one before bed, or when I get up...unless you count peeing. I have stuck (sort of) to schedules that I absolutely had to stick to like work and school since then, but that is really about it. I have told myself that they are not for me and that I shouldn't make myself be something that I am not. If type A personalities have all their shit together you can consider me a type Z. I have nothing together at all, and I have been quite happy that way for a long time. But, the period of rest has got to be over if I ever want to be the person I so often long to be. I hunger for purpose and success, which sleeping and partying will never get me.
So, wtf is the plan? It's gonna have to be hard and long. Damn it. I am going to call my first 21 to change... 21 days of Routine. I will be setting a routine for myself that I know has worked before, and I will hate every fucking minute of it. I will have to get up and walk every morning. I will have to have a sleep schedule, and I will have to have a gym schedule too. I am going to add a writing and reading schedule to this routine because I need these things to change the most. I am going to try to be realistic and not expect too much out of myself, just the beginning of climbing out of my rut. The writing thing will be sort of built in because I am going to write this blog and track my success or lack there of so that absolutely no one can follow it and be entertained. I am also going to pretend that I am twenty nine and have one year to change my life and be successful. You (the non existent reader) will never know my real age, and if you know me and you do...fuck off and don't tell. My imaginary friends think I'm younger and that is why I like them more than you.
Now for the fucking kicker... I dedicate this blog and this project to my Ninnie. My grandmother passed away at the beginning of this year, just about nine months ago. She was my greatest friend, my biggest fan, and really the only human on the planet that I felt like really got me. Now, the reason I am doing this is not for her, although I would like to think she would appreciate it. I am doing this, so that I will actually do it, and because I know that if she is watching me, she has got to be upset by my lack of doing any fucking thing for so long now. And the degree to which I use the word fucking for that matter. Sorry Nee Naw, that ain't gonna change tho.
So, tomorrow November 5th, 2014 will be the first day of my first 21 day challenge. I will post my routine/ schedule tomorrow and try and blog my success and failures at least three times a week. All you wonderful non existent readers out there, wish me luck. Peace Out!