Day 4: November 8th, 2014

Day four was okay. I had to get up at 9:20am to go to work. So...no walk. But, I did walk probably miles at work, so that should count for something. I also woke up with relative ease, wanting to get up and start my day. It was a crazy day at work. Two people didn't show up so I made some quick decisions and tried to remedy the situation so that we would be okay if we got busy, which we did. As usual I danced around at work, so I am counting that as my dancing for the day!
After a long day at work I went home and took a very needed nap. I hadn't thought I would take a nap, but once I started reading, and rereading the same sentence over and over, I decided that naps were awesome and not the enemy so I lounged back in my awesome reclining couch and napped my little heart out! But, after I woke up three hours later, I realized that naps may in fact may be the devil in disguise, or at least these naps. I had plans with two people (the red headed bestie and the very prego bestie) that night and as I texted them to tell them that I would still try and make it to both events, I lay down for the few minutes I was waiting to leave to meet the red headed bestie and I didn't wake up until after two am. Wtf? I woke up feeling horrible. I had double booked myself anyways. I told the very prego bestie that I would go to an annual chicken stew with her the week before and then a few days later, completely forgetting about the chicken stew, I promised the red headed bestie that I would take her out for her birthday a couple days late because that was the first chance I would have outside of work. I sat up feeling guilty and apologizing to the red headed bestie, who I believe ended up having just as much, if not more fun in my absence, or at least that's what I told myself. I read for an hour, turned off the lights like a grown up and continued to feel a bit guilty for standing up two friends until I fell asleep.
Anxiety seems to be lurking around lately and I definitely felt some on day four. I have been biting my nails which is weird as fuck. I haven't done that in at least a decade. I feel like all my emotions have been stirred up inside of me with this project. It is really a good thing, but sometimes I really miss being numb. I could talk myself out of feeling almost anything. A week ago, guilt would not have haunted me the way it did over missed plans. The emotions are creeping up on me and it is a bit scary. I just keep telling myself I wanted this.
So, day four was a bust for the actual routine part. I did wake up, work hard and make some much needed money though, but it wasn't a very successful day for the project. I will try again tomorrow.