Day 3: November 7th, 2014

One goal I set for myself in this new routine, was to be out of bed by ten-thirty or eleven at the latest, and up walking so that I wouldn't go back to sleep. My dear friend that stayed on my couch was up and at 'em at a lovely nine-thirty! She made her first attempt to wake me up around that time, and I begged for another five minutes of course. But, I could hear her talking on her phone, and the sound was so amazing. I started thinking like I used to...that maybe I was missing something I really didn't want to miss. So, instead of thinking of all the horrible things I should be doing, I felt like there were things I WANTED to be doing. INSANE! I wasn't exactly happy to be up. I had a hangover, and a headache, and the sun was so fucking bright!!! If she hadn't been here to talk to, I would have went back to bed, there is no doubt in my mind!!! Instead, we got so much done! There were too many people on at work tonight too, so up early as I was, I text my boss and nominated myself to be off for the evening, because all I really wanted to do was write!!! My boss text me back and said, we can do without you, have a great day writing. And!!! I have written all day.

I will have to be honest and report that I did not go for a walk, I did not meditate, or do yoga, or...well I have found some dancing time while I have been writing...so there's that! I will stick with the point of this twenty-one day journey, and that is to start a routine. I will keep trying, but, I have to say I feel that today has been very successful. Also, life has sort of changed for me today too. The friend on the couch decided to make some major life changes today herself, and I went with her to gather some of her things and make another step towards the life she is looking for. The act of doing this was very warming and pearly. Little pearls in life; the moments that change the wind, the moments where it feels like God is looking your way. The moments we are to cherish and revel in. I know that it was a very hard step for her, and one I have taken myself several times. But the weight of the coming change has, despite the somewhat unfortunate situation, made me feel like I have a purpose, and that is what I have been looking for, I think, perhaps, more than anything. Confession: I have had the thought that the girl from the couch could be some sort of muse for me, since the last time we hung out. It's her energy, her age, her creativity, and her braveness...it just oozes out of her. So, epic story long...I invited her to stay with me for as long as she needs to in order to get on her feet. That is the part of me helping her, but the most beautiful part is the symbiotic relationship we are forming. She wants to help me too, she wants to help me get up and live. She wants to help me succeed in this/ these twenty-one day challenges that I have started. We've made plans to paint, and be creative, and so many other things that I have just longed for, and didn't even know it. The craziest part of this whole blink-of-an-eye change in my life is that even though I knew somehow that I wanted it, I would have never thought this would be the way I would find the motivation, the inspiration I have been looking for. I want to be alone, and I want to spend my time in my own little world. But, at the same time, I want to help someone, and be helped. And, the girl from the couch wants and needs the same things. It's perfect. It's fate. So... on the closing of day three, I feel like I took one small step in the right direction, and it made all the difference. In just three days, I feel like I have a whole new path to walk on, and I am finding my solitude with the help of a new friend. I could never imagine I would feel so much about all of this in so little time. So, to sum up the adventure so far...this twenty-one days to change is doing exactly what I wanted it to do already, changing things.

A P.S. to the girl from the couch: I hope you understand that while yes, you being here and being what I just described above, is helping me in ways you probably can't fully understand...there is no pressure for you to help me at all. I want to offer you a safe haven to figure out what, where, and how you are going to make your next move. Just being able to do that is amazing enough. I don't want you to feel like I am just someone else you have to worry about, I want you to worry about only yourself. That is the point, right? So, no pressure and no worries, what ever either of us gets out of this experience will be just what we need, I am sure of it. Love you Muse.