Last week's after meeting high

Well, the meeting went smashingly! I was really worried about the complexity of the story and how we were going to sum it up nice and neat. But, after much brainstorming, two-pens just spit it out and there it was. On to the next step, a really really rough page by page and storyboard. I have less than a week! I wish I could write my Kill novel this way. I wish I could have a weekly deadline. It probably seems to normal people that there is no reason that I couldn't. But without anyone to make sure I am doing it, or depending on me to do it, the truth is that I probably won't. Maybe my next challenge should be twenty-one days of writing. The last two challenges have shown me how hard that might be. And, I was thinking with it being a new year and all I should do what everyone else will be doing, going to the gym. I might do twenty-one days of squats or something!

In other news, I am starting to think that all of the "feelings" I have been having lately are happening for a good reason. I think I really need to be brought back down to earth a little bit. Since the ex wife and I split, it has seemed like people are coming out of the woodwork, and I think I've really latched on. I think I have started to get a bit of a complex. I am trying to just let myself feel all this bull shit and see what I can learn from it all, I mean that's the whole point, right? It fucking sucks though, feeling insecure, nervous, and the loss of control over my thought processes. The worst part is the fucking dreams! Dude, never in my life have I dreamed about someone like this. It's almost constant! I woke up yesterday, and could remember several dreams that didn't include him, and I felt so good about it, I was like yes! Maybe they will start to go away. If I am honest with myself, I have to know that this is just some subconscious thing, and it means nothing. I mean, I did learn something from the young and beautiful one about the meaning of dreams. It doesn't mean a damn thing! I had a conversation in my head for like over an hour last night while I was writing about why I am feeling this way, and I think I really figured it out.