Oh the places!!

Little pearls lined up like Christmas lights. I can't seem to stop thinking about how lucky I am that I have so many people in my life that are really amazing. I've had plans to post, and moments to write the last few days, and even though I wrote about all the things I have planned and gotten done, and of course all the things that I didn't get done, I don't think posting them is very important. I literally fell asleep last night re-reading the post for the last two days. The gist is that I planned a few things, got some of them done, and the others I didn't. There is still a ton of laundry to do, and I have the clean folded laundry on my bed. The clean folded laundry has been accumulating for the last three days, and I have been sleeping on the couch! Whatever, life is really good. I've had some great times with friends that weren't planned, those are the best. I spent hours with the red-headed bestie the other night and all we did was sit on the couch and talk, no music, no TV, no distractions of any kind. I love those times. And, not to say that all my friends are crazy, quite the contrary actually, but I have had lots of practice with being a counselor lately. Muse and I had a much needed bonding moment and I had the chance to better get to know someone that is near and dear to her. It's been a wonderful week. I wouldn't exactly call it the most successful for this challenge, and was I being as rigid I was with the last one, I might be stressed out about it, but I am in fact really feeling good about it. The entire purpose of this blog was that I needed change, and perhaps the exact change I have been looking for hasn't come yet, but so much has changed that I can't help but be really excited, and thankful for this blog.

In other news, I have finished writing the synopsis that I gave myself a week to write, and I am happy to say that I am already working on the pages for the children's book. I am so excited to be writing this with two-pens! I have another meeting with him on Tuesday and I really think I will be able to possibly even move on to another story with him while he finishes the illustration for this one. I am also writing the Kill novel like a mofo. Even though I couldn't ask for more change than I have experienced in the last month and a half, I will. I want to write more, and really start writing pages for the Kill novel, and not spend as much time as I did with the trilogy on the background information. I just got so fucking bored with that story by the time it came to writing pages that I would sit down and it would seem impossible to figure out how to make myself interested in doing anything with it. I think the key to writing this book is to keep myself busy with pages and figure out the details as I go. I would love to set a goal for myself to get the first draft done as soon as possible. I think I should write at least one chapter first just to see how long it takes me to get there.


Do you know how hard it is to let go? I thought I did. I mean of all the things I've had let go of in my life, fear is the hardest thing so far, and I can't even say that I have let go of it, not this particular one at least. I know I'm a fucking bad ass and it seems like I am not scared of very much, at least, that is what my friends tell me. In all honesty it's not that I am not scared of anything, I'm actually scared of everything, but I love a challenge and I love to face my fear and do something that could potentially be either great or painful. Except for anything that has to do with my heart. I have been there and done that. I'm so fucking happy without anyone in my life, and although I spend quite a bit of time, especially lately, thinking of all the things I would like to be doing, if I were in a relationship, the possibility of fighting or hurting is so insanely scary that I might run screaming if I got half the chance. I can't seem to let go of this fear. I am totally obsessed though, and I wish that I could either make something happen, or let the possibility of it go. I can't dream about anything else. I can't make myself get up or do anything lately either, for the love of my dreams, waking and otherwise.

Anyways, It is day eight today, and I am feeling a bit under the weather as I get ready to go get an x-ray of my teeth. I have a really big day tomorrow and I am looking forward to getting a lot of stuff done. I guess we shall see what happens!